Despite being out of work, I've been as busy as ever. I chalk that up to the time job-hunting takes. I also have more bandwidth to tackle personal projects that require more of my full focus. I'd still like to keep blogging and working on my personal webpage more, but I find those easier to focus one as smaller tasks. (It's rare that I have 4-5 uninterrupted hours to do anything, so I'm spending a lot of that on my game, Afflicted.
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In June, I set out job hunting again. Right now I'm set up to probably do some freelance, so that's nice. (It's hard not to fall into despair sometimes when I job hunt, but I try to keep up hope. It helps to go for a really hard jog after a full morning of apps, letters, and follow-ups. It jostles my brain a bit, in a good way.)
I found out shortly before I was let go from work that my Grandmother passed away. It...really sucks. I feel like I won't be able to process that until her funeral in August. I don't feel immediate misery, but sometimes things like this take time to kick in for me. I don't think my mourning will start until I enter her house, and find it empty. I got to see her at Christmas, so I feel like at least I said goodbye.
Shortly after that, my Mom called me and said that my childhood dog, Ginger, passed away. She was getting older, and part of me hoped that I'd be able to see her before she needed to be euthanized. However, her health had declined quickly after I left my parent's house in January post-top surgery. She had been doing badly the past couple of days, so by the time my Mom called, they were driving to the vet.
In July, I took a vacation to Helen, GA with my family. It was nice to see my whole immediate family right after all the family deaths. We got to play games together, talk together, and just enjoy each other's company. It was healing. As for the location itself: I love tourist stuff sometimes, and I definitely had to invest in some sweet bigfoot merch. I also love the natural wonders of Georgia, and got to horseback ride, whitewater raft (Chattooga river) and do some hiking.
After the vacation, I came back feeling kind of refreshed, but still worried about the job situation. I returned to my job hunt and got back to working on Afflicted. I also put Season 2 of my one-shot campaign, Snare, on hold for the time being. Interest dropped off, so I'm planning on shopping out the first season again to some new folks, or just waiting until the timing is better. I'm pretty bummed about that, but I'd rather run a game with an enthusiastic player base. I worked really hard on it, so one day I hope to see that hard work pay off in the form of interactive game play.
For the last of the bad news: I found out one of my favorite places, 1763 is closing. I'm really sad about it, but I'm hoping to keep making new friends there while I still have the time. Atlanta's community is beautiful and extensive, and I'm sure I won't have trouble finding places to hang when I find time to attend some meet-ups.
Now for the good news! I got tickets to see My Chemical Romances and 100 gecs in concert. I have a Will Wood concert coming up next week, and Mother Mother in a couple of months. I adore having things to look forward to. I didn't go to many concerts as a kid, so going to see a bunch of cool groups I like with my partner (who has always loved live music) is such a treat.
I feel like now is a really great time for Foundations of Decay by MCR to have come out. I need that kind of music right now. I'm at the age where the full disillusionment of adulthood has set in, in addition to the world tumult, tragedy, and unrest that's coming with recent political upheavals and culture wars. If I let myself dive too deep into how bad things are, I'd just end up putting my mental health in danger. I'm a trans man in the deep south- there's a lot to be afraid of.
But, there's also a lot to be hopeful for. I'm looking for work with places that treat workers well and I'm engaging in my local queer community now more than ever. I'm making my own video game- one that I hope will help describe what positive collective action could look like. In my heart of hearts, I wanted Afflicted to do for someone else what Star Trek: The Original Series did for me: create a vision of progress that tells people "It's not hopeless! There's something to work towards! Don't give up!"
I hope that the next blog post I make or round up I do has more good news than this one. If I find some time, I might finish up my incredibly long Lost retrospective. Here's to hoping!